THIS WAS THE PERFECT MOMENT TO LEAN IN FOR A PICTURESQUE AND DRAMATIC SNOG… THEN HE REMEMBERED HE HAD VOMITED IN HIS OWN MOUTH FIVE MINUTES EARLIER

it is very hard to look into someone’s eyes when you can tell the person’s eyes are struggling to focus and they have tomato sauce smeared across their forehead.

The first ten minutes of the call was a two person waterfall of word vomit, composed entirely of chunks of mundanity

He returned home, donned a pair of rubber gloves and a face mask, then proceeded to decant two bottles of prosecco into disinfected Chilly bottles

He stayed for a couple of glasses, just to be polite… I’m sure Dominic Cummings would have done the same.